I think I need to clear something up. I do not want to go partying all the time. I do not go to clubs and bars for male attention. It has been since june since I have been to a club of any kind. It has been a month since I have been to a bar and that was Glass Half Full with my mother. I don't require male attention or drinking to have fun and I am not going to dance with dry humping. I just like to dance. I like feeling my age and being out in a crowd of people and having fun. I like listening to loud music. I like experiencing it now. Everyone else has done the whole clubbing and bar thing and I would like my chance to do so. I don't like do it alone because it is unsafe. No Kristin, I am NOT in terror of going out alone. No one has told me it was unsafe to go out alone. I learned from experience. I have had my drink drugged before when I was out with a friend this past christmas. I have been out with Julia and she wouldn't notice someone creepy falling or staring but I would. You need a friend there to have your back. Plus do you know how boring it is to be a wall flower at a club. Everyone else is there with there friends. Sue me for wanting to be there with mine. Yes you can create a whole list of activities that you can do but what good is a list when you wont do anything on that list. I have asked people to go bowling, swimming, shopping, etc. Nobody wants to do anything. Except for Good luck chuck and two trips to the same chinese store I haven't been out with friends in a couple of months.

Well, once again I have two free passes to Hi- 5 and no one to go with.... Will I ever have a social life like people my age are suppose to have???? I hate this.

I have always been plus size. I have tried to fix it. I have worked out and dieted. Nothing works. I have been to the doctors and been put on meds. Nothing works. Yes I know that being over weight is bad for my health. You don't need to remind me. Yes I know my friends are hot and dress sexier than me but does that really mean you can be an ass or that you can ignore me? I am person too and I have feelings too. 

I am tired of wasting my time with trying to dress up, do hair and make- up to go out on the town with my friends just to have some asshole ruin it for me. (Christin and Julia this isn't just about Saturday night. This happens ALOT more than I let on.) I'm tired of going out and seeing guys either hit on Julia or Christin or who ever else I'm with and after they get turned down by both, the guy always looks at me and gives me a disgusted look and walks off. I'm tired of men pretending to be married just so they don't have to talk to me. I am tired of people asking me "How far along are you?" while they stare at my stomach. I AM NOT PREGNANT! I am tired of the only men that pay attention to me because they think because I am fat that I am desperate to sleep with them. I am tired of the fact clothes makers don't make cute age approperiate clothes for people like me. I want to wear cute little tops or skirts with ruffles too. I want to be able to buy bra's that match cute little panties and not the standard beige, black, or white colors that they make for people my size. I want to be able to ride rollar coaster rides without feeling embarrassed that the person checking seatbelts has once again had to ask me to get off the ride because I was too large to be buckled in properly. I want to be able to wear a bathingsuit with out feeling embarassed or receiving dirty looks from people who think fat people should be allowed at the pool or at the beach. I am tired of wanting to go down the water slides or off the high drives and getting looks from people like I shouldn't be allowed to do so just because I am larger than them. I am tired of feeling ashamed of buying ice scream or cookies. I am tired of feeling ashamed of how I look when I try to dance and feel like I should sitting down and watching everyone else have fun. I am tired of being ignored and overlooked and forgotten because I don't look like my friends. I am tired of being the quiet one in the corner watching everyone else have fun. I am tired of kids coming up to me and saying stuff like "Why are you so fat?" or asking their parents if fat people are allowed to come. I'm tired of going shopping alone because the stores I have to shop at don't carry my friend's sizes and vice versa.

 I can't help that I the only fat girl in the group. I know that ya'll can't help it either. I'm not writing this to make you feel guilty about anything. I just want ya'll to know what I go through on an almost daily basis so the next time I break down in tears because of "what one asshole did tonight" you know it isn't just one asshole. Its all the assholes and bitches and snot nose little brats, that point out that I am fat and ugly and that they don't think I should be among the beautiful normal looking people, that add up day after day after day til I can't take it anymore. Every little comment hurts and  I can't always keep it bottled in. So please excuse me if I take offense or get frustrated or even cry. Its hard to be tired of who you are and know that there is nothing you can do to change it.

But if you really want to make a difference and make a plus sized person's day, just walk up to them out of the blue and tell them that you like something they are wearing or whatever (be honest and sincere). One compliment really does mean alot more especially after a bad day. Plus we remember it every time we wear it.

Tiffany~

 

There is a website that I really feel that you need to read. http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation_anxiety.html

 

I don't believe locking the girls in the room or coming home early until they behave or letting the girls come when they want to your office is going to work. Locking them in their room just instills the fear of you leaving and makes it worse the next time. I know you and David feel horrible when you leave but you don't have to stay there and listen to the blood curdling screaming, the crying, the "I hate yous", the banging on the door and walls, the breaking out of the window, and the throwing of whatever they can get their hands on in the two minutes it takes you to drive down the street. We need a goodbye routine.

 

Coming home early just makes the girls expect you early and when you start coming home at your real normal time it will just create more problems. Plus it would make short days like Mondays just useless when I am not even coming until 2pm.

 

Having the girls come to your work puts the kids in control and takes me out of control. The kids need to know who the adults are and when you tell the child that she can go somewhere whenever she wants, she knows that she holds the power and doesn't have to listen to me because all she has to do is say she wants to go to your work where she has to power to eat cake and lollipops and drink sodas (all things you don't allow them to eat with me) and she knows that she can run a muck and get away with it.

 

When the girls are with me by themselves they are very well behave for the most part and typically any problems I have with them are normal problems that kids their age have. I have to step back when you or David are around because they know they can get away with stuff (like extra Popsicles, extra snacks, doing stuff that annoys you till you give in, etc). Yes, I know you have rules for your kids but you have to enforce all of them. You especially can't say things like "She's so cute I can't help but give in" while you're holding the child or "She can't help it" right in front of the child when they are misbehaving right in front of you. I know you don't have the patience for this stuff but it doesn't take long really and also it will save on heartache in the future.

 

I'm sorry if I sound out of line but I have to express how I feel because I don't like being blamed for this stuff. Taking away hours from me is punishing me for something that isn't my fault. Being a nanny is hard work enough. More so when you don't feel like you have support from the parents. The girls know my rules and respect them. The girls need to know your rules and need to understand why they should respect them.

 

~Kelly


This is in response to my LOVELY day at work today. Here is the jist of what happened...  

David locked the kids in their room again today. i had to feed the kids organic yogert (one kids yogert cup split between two kids) and apple slices (one apple split between two kids) for lunch because there was no other food in the house and they dont plan on going shopping until sunday after their trip which means i wont be able to feed them lunch tomorrow
i tried to talk to the father and he told me that until the kids start acting better he will be coming home earlier and earlier and i wont get the hours promised until the kids behave
the kids only "misbehave" in the mornings when the parents leave and they call Georgia (the 4 year old) misbehaving because she ran out to the truck calling one more hug. david got out carried her to her room and locked her. on his way out he saw flannie (the three year old) standing in the living room and took her and locked her in georgia's room too
i cant stand hearing the girls scream and cry like that especially when all they wanted was a hug!
plus he yelled at me for locking out the cleaning crew. i didn't know i was suppose to leave their house unlocked on thursdays NO ONE TOLD ME

I don't know what to do. I need help.

Help!!

Kelly

Current Location: on my bed...
Current Mood: infuriated

I finally made it to this site!!! Sorry it took so long to get here! Finally a place to vent and what not.... (Why do I have the feeling this may end up being mainly about work???)   Add me if you want to read what I write!!!

~Kelly

Current Mood: awake